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To me, being an expert means being successful, and achieving success requires lots of hard work, time, and practice. This is true regardless of what you pursue, from running to drawing, acting to skating, teaching to dancing. Yet expertise and success don't come from skill alone. To truly succeed, you need to have at least as much motivation as talent, because if you don't posses the desire to do something, your talent may simply wither from neglect, and people who prove this to be the case include Jewel and my sister.

Gertrude, for example, responds to the death of her husband, the King, by remarrying shortly after his death.

2. It's exhilarating to be alive in a time of awakening consciousness; it can also be confusing. Adrienne Rich

You have twenty-five minutes to write an essay on the topic assigned below.

看出来了，

【写作语言分析】

的名气，但她创作了大量的儿童故事书，影响了一代又一代的美国人；

正是在这个梦想支持下，她度过了生命中最艰难的时刻，最后被一个音乐制作人慧眼识珠，出版了她的唱片从而获得了成功。这个例子证明Jewel有talent（a critically acclaimed voice and songwriting skills），但更重要的是她有motivation，所以她才获得了成功。

但是，如果两个阅卷者对一篇作文的给分相差两分

但是，由于文章在举例时没有把握好笔墨的重点，导致失分较大。

那么到底要怎么样来举例呢？

同时，该段落结尾处也没有重复thesis statement以加强该例子和中心论点之间的联系。

被林肯称赞为“发动我们伟大内战的小女人”的斯托夫人。

的名气，但她创作了大量的儿童故事书，影响了一代又一代的美国人；

不妨说点冠冕堂皇的话来充实第一段的内容，然后逐步绕到中心点上，摆明自己的观点。

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